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Sun, 27 Feb 2005

After reading Maureen Dowd's Article in today's NYT. I really wonder. Does W believe the blatant lies that pass through his lips?

(10:21) [jonah] permalink

A Succinct Summary of the Election

The Democrats' mistake was in thinking that a disastrous war, national bankruptcy, erosion of liberties, corporate takeover of government, environmental destruction, squandering our economic and moral leadership in the world, and systematic Administration lying would be of concern to the electorate.

The Republicans correctly saw that the chief concern of the electorate was to keep gay couples from having an abortion.

(14:04) [jonah] permalink

Someone sent me these in a email. I pass them on for those of you who might find them amusing.

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"  ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
   You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
   We need it up, you need it down.
   You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
   Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
   And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
   Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
   Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. 
   That's what we do.
   Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
   See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
   In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
   don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
   Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and 
   one of the ways makes you sad or angry,
   we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or 
   tell us how you want it done. Not both.
   If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
   Peach, for example, is a fruit, not ! a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
   We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," 
   we will act like nothing's wrong.
   We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
   expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
   discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this.
   Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
   but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh.

I wrote a paper about marxist feminism this week. If anyone is interested I've posted it here:
MarxistFeminism.pdf

(15:33) [jonah] permalink

Friday UC announced the are planning on changing the format of graduation. Below is my letter to the editor.

Editor,

Nancy Zimpher's decision to change the structure of commencement is an extremely bad idea, because this will lead to an excessively long commencement with little added benefit. It is much better to have a smaller ceremony for each college and then to have a larger ceremony for the entire university, where groups are recognized. This way each student can have the individual recognition without everybody being subjected to a long and tedious recitation of names. We want our parents and siblings to remember the great speakers and celebration of our achievement with us; the part that our families dread is sitting there as 4,999 people they don't know walk across the stage. Let's highlight the positive, concentrate on getting good speakers and stop this madness.

Jonah Horowitz
Computer Engineering '05
(15:36) [jonah] permalink

A forward a friend sent me...

You Know You're From San Francisco When...

You've been carrying on an affair of "intense eye-contact" for two
years with a person who rides home on the same bus and gets off one
stop before you. You do not know their name.

You bitch constantly about how hard it is to meet people in the city.

You take a bus and are shocked that 2 people are carrying on a
conversation in English.

Someone says TENDERLOIN - you don't think of steak.

You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because you know
the drivers have never seen it.

A really great parking space can move you to tears.

You know that anyone wearing shorts in July must be visiting from Ohio.

You were born somewhere else. (ohio?)

You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits.

You experience "commitment issues" when deciding who to hang out with
next weekend.

You feel prudish for never having had a threesome. . .

You're tan in spring and fall, pale in summer.

You'd like to spend more time exploring Berkeley, but its just so damn far away.

You found your current aparment, car, couch, running pals, bookgroup,
girlfriend/boyfriend, and booty call all on Craigslist.

Your boss runs in "The Bay to Breakers"....and it's not the first time
you have seen him/her nude.

You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between
yoga, aroma therapy, conversational Mandarin or a building your own
web site class.

You haven't been to Fisherman's Wharf since the first month you moved
to SF and you couldn't figure out how to drive to Coit Tower if your
life depended on it.

Left is right and right is wrong.

Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.

You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.

Your family tree contains "significant others."

Your cat has its own psychiatrist.

Smoking in your office is not optional.

You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater
and a wetsuit for the beach.

Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.

Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the US

A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps.
You don't even notice.

Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.

You give a "thumbs up" gesture to a car with a "Free Tibet" bumper
sticker - and you mean it.

When you drive under an underpass - for one moment you think "earthquake".

You realize the only Republicans you know are your Aunt and Uncle in Texas.

You realize there are far more Rainbow flags in the city than
California State Flags.

You go to your office manager's baby shower - the parent's are named
Judy and Becky.

When your church elects a new Bishop who abandoned his family and two
young daughters to fulfill his sexual urges with another man.

You've lived in the Marina for three and a half years and you've been
to the Mission once for drinks. You're main impression is that it's
"dirty". You won't go back.

You've lived in the Mission for three and a half years and you've
never been to the Marina.

You consider "Tom Kha Gai" a staple food.

You consider hamburgers a "rare treat".

Through years of practice, you have perfected the art of the helpless
looking "sorry, i'm broke" shrug that you use when someone asks you
for change.

Despite number 5, you still manage to pay $20 each week in "street tax".

You wear foam trucker caps and cowboy hats out regularly in San
Francisco, but you wouldn't be caught dead wearing one in Stockton.

At any given time, you are carrying three or more tiny electronic
devices, some of which emit noises and/or buzzing at different
frequencies, and all of which "simplify" your life.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from
San Francisco.

Peace On Earth and Goodwill Towards All
(15:41) [jonah] permalink

So, I apologize in advance for the mass email, and some of the emails pre-/post- election. I've been meaning to send everyone an update on what's going on with my life. This will be my last mass email for a little while. I'm going to re-start my blog at www.explodingcow.com/~jonah. I'll post updates there, if you still want to get email updates, etc... send me an email and I'll set something up.

I'm currently sitting at one of my favorite corners in one of my favorite cities (Leavenworth and Sutter, in San Francisco), and I figured now would be as good a time as any to finish this email.

-- School --
I just finished Autumn quarter at the University of Cincinnati. I'm a senior and I'm on track to graduate with a B.S. in Computer Engineering on June 11th (181 days, not that I'm counting). School, well, college at least, has been a long journey for me, and I'm ready for it to be complete. I've currently got a 2.8 GPA, and barring some fundamental change in the laws of mathematics, that's probably what I'll have in June. I have come to totally hate GPAs, and grades in general. I know that given that I've got a 2.8GPA I probably have very little credibility on this matter. I just think it's hard to distill my entire ability and experience into a single number, and yet I can't tell you how many companies that I've spoken to who basically slam the door when they hear that my GPA is less than 3.0. As much as there is a part of me that thinks this is just their loss because I'll find a job regardless, I also think it is fundamentally unfair. I also look around me in my classes and I know that the people that have the most skill are not often the ones that are getting the best grades. There has to be a better way to evaluate people than the grading system that we use now. Well, ten years after I started, and with seven years of attending classes under my belt. I'll graduate on June 11. I do plan on going to graduate school eventually, either to get my MBA or to continue with a graduate level engineering degree, but I'll be happy to be done with school, at least for a little while.

-- Work --
I'm currently working for a Bay Area startup called Media Monster. There's not much I can tell everyone about this at the moment, but it's exciting and I'm having a great time working with an awesome crew. I'm also working for Apple as a Campus Sales Rep at UC, not that interesting, but it's work, and it's for Apple. Next quarter I might get a bartending job to supplement my income. Life is expensive.

-- Personal --
There are a few things that I've been involved in lately that have really had a profound impact on my life.

The first is Burning Man. Burning Man is a festival that's held each year in the Nevada desert. Last year there were about 35,000+ people there. Burning Man itself is huge and no paragraph here can explain the scope of the event. There have been books written on it, but for those of you who want a greater understanding of the event you can go here: www.burningman.com. I just want to tell you about how the event has impacted me personally. To me Burning Man has been a chance to meet and connect with an amazing group of people. I was lucky enough to have the chance to be taken to Burning Man by my high school mentor, Nick DeWolf in 2003. While I was there I met up with a group of people known as the Lamplighters. Without going into too much detail, Burning Man takes place in a temporary city in the Black Rock Desert. The city exists for only the one week of the festival and the Lamplighters are charged with lighting the city every night (no matter what). Because the city is temporary there is no power grid (or at least not much of one, and certainly not one for street lamps). The Lamplighters use over 700 kerosene lanterns to light the major streets of the city. Every day all of the lanterns need to be collected, cleaned, re-wicked, re-fueled, re-lit, and hung on spires throughout the city. It is an awesome job requiring around 130 volunteers each night. These volunteers are led by "Luminaries". My first year at Burning Man I volunteered to be one of the Lamp Lighters, and this past year (2004) I was a Luminary myself, actually I was somewhat of a luminary coordinator. It was an extremely demanding but also extremely rewarding and gratifying experience. I am planning on taking on more responsibility next year, and I hope to go to Black Rock City about a month before the event to be part of the set up crew. Much of this depends on what's going on with work at the time, but we'll see. (lamplighter picture images.burningman.com/index.cgi?image=18287 )

The second is politics. I spent a lot of time and put a lot of effort in to the 2004 election. I'm in a little bit of a hibernation state right now on this, but I'm still actively involved in the College Democrats at the University of Cincinnati. Right now we are working on the 2005 mayors race in Cincinnati as well as looking forward to the 2006 midterm elections. Besides this we've got to keep up the fight for our civil liberties, and against ignorance. There is a strong possibility that Bush will nominate at least one supreme court justice and it's critical that progressives are ready and primed to fight on this one. On a side-note, Bush has nominated Alberto Gonzalez to be the next Attorney General. I'd like to say that nobody can be worse than Ashcroft, Gonzalez was the guy that called the Geneva Convention "quaint". Since I've totally lost all faith in the Senate Democrats on this issue I'm really praying that some of the Republicans (John McCain?) will have the balls to stand up and say something about this during his confirmation hearings. Part of me is just really glad that after I graduate I can move out of the pathetic, small-minded, fat, ugly, conservative city of Cincinnati to a a Blue state (any blue state) where people actually have some sort of greater world view. None the less... I will probably end up working in Cincinnati (or somewhere similar) in the run-up to the 2008 elections.

Just to head of the inevitable questions, no, I don't have a girlfriend, etc at the moment. I'm concentrating on graduating, and on getting the f*** out of Cincinnati, that's enough for now.

-- Coda --

My life is somewhat consumed with the unceasing march towards 11 June 2005. I'm planning some sort of graduation party, and since I'd never ask any friend to journey to the insipid cesspool that is Cincinnati, I want to do it somewhere else. Right now the most popular candidate is Las Vegas, although I'm open to other suggestions.


(11:57) [jonah] permalink