You Know You're From San Francisco When...
You've been carrying on an affair of "intense eye-contact" for two
years with a person who rides home on the same bus and gets off one
stop before you. You do not know their name.
You bitch constantly about how hard it is to meet people in the city.
You take a bus and are shocked that 2 people are carrying on a
conversation in English.
Someone says TENDERLOIN - you don't think of steak.
You never bother looking at the MUNI line schedule because you know
the drivers have never seen it.
A really great parking space can move you to tears.
You know that anyone wearing shorts in July must be visiting from Ohio.
You were born somewhere else. (ohio?)
You assume every company offers domestic partner benefits.
You experience "commitment issues" when deciding who to hang out with
next weekend.
You feel prudish for never having had a threesome. . .
You're tan in spring and fall, pale in summer.
You'd like to spend more time exploring Berkeley, but its just so damn far away.
You found your current aparment, car, couch, running pals, bookgroup,
girlfriend/boyfriend, and booty call all on Craigslist.
Your boss runs in "The Bay to Breakers"....and it's not the first time
you have seen him/her nude.
You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between
yoga, aroma therapy, conversational Mandarin or a building your own
web site class.
You haven't been to Fisherman's Wharf since the first month you moved
to SF and you couldn't figure out how to drive to Coit Tower if your
life depended on it.
Left is right and right is wrong.
Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
You dive under a desk whenever a large truck goes by.
You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.
Your family tree contains "significant others."
Your cat has its own psychiatrist.
Smoking in your office is not optional.
You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater
and a wetsuit for the beach.
Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.
Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the US
A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps.
You don't even notice.
Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
You give a "thumbs up" gesture to a car with a "Free Tibet" bumper
sticker - and you mean it.
When you drive under an underpass - for one moment you think "earthquake".
You realize the only Republicans you know are your Aunt and Uncle in Texas.
You realize there are far more Rainbow flags in the city than
California State Flags.
You go to your office manager's baby shower - the parent's are named
Judy and Becky.
When your church elects a new Bishop who abandoned his family and two
young daughters to fulfill his sexual urges with another man.
You've lived in the Marina for three and a half years and you've been
to the Mission once for drinks. You're main impression is that it's
"dirty". You won't go back.
You've lived in the Mission for three and a half years and you've
never been to the Marina.
You consider "Tom Kha Gai" a staple food.
You consider hamburgers a "rare treat".
Through years of practice, you have perfected the art of the helpless
looking "sorry, i'm broke" shrug that you use when someone asks you
for change.
Despite number 5, you still manage to pay $20 each week in "street tax".
You wear foam trucker caps and cowboy hats out regularly in San
Francisco, but you wouldn't be caught dead wearing one in Stockton.
At any given time, you are carrying three or more tiny electronic
devices, some of which emit noises and/or buzzing at different
frequencies, and all of which "simplify" your life.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from
San Francisco.
